Good Morning, and welcome to the DynaStar™ LifeCare™ Pavilion. I am CareBot™, and will help you prepare for your visit. A certified LifeCare™ provider will be with you shortly. Please undress and re-dress in the provided gown.
Now that you are dressed, please answer a few questions so that our LifeCare™ provider can help you reach your wellness goals.
What is the reason for your visit today?
I sprained my wrist playing racquetball
I am sorry to hear that you have sustained a sports-related injury to your wrist. Our LifeCare™ providers are experts in sports medicine. Please answer a few more background questions to ensure that the care you receive will meet your personal care profile.
Do you drink?
Take any recreational drugs of any sort?
At any time in the last 7 days have you felt hopeless?
At any time in the last 7 days have you felt helpless?
It’s really hard to type with a sprained wrist.
I apologize if the input process is causing you any additional pain. All LifeCare™ providers are highly rated in the area of pain management. We will be gratified to help you meet your pain goals. If you prefer, I can enable audio input for this questionnaire. Would you prefer to give audio responses, bearing in mind that your responses may be recorded for quality assurance and legal review purposes?
You may now answer verbally, and I will transcribe your responses. At any time in the last 7 days have you felt helpless?
No, I’m fine.
What is your goal for your visit today?
I want my wrist to feel better so I can go back to work.
I appreciate your honesty. All LifeCare™ providers are highly rated in the area of pain management. We will be gratified to help you meet your pain goals.
Just a few more questions.
Our records show that you are not married or in a relationship. Has this changed?
What? Why are you asking?
We are working to provide a care plan that will encompass your entire life. We seek to provide solutions that fit harmoniously with your preferred lifestyle. We have found that understanding a person’s emotional landscape is indispensable in providing top notch care.
Fine. No, I don’t have a spouse or significant other.
Looking at your accounts on social media, it does not appear that you have close relationships with your family. Is still the case?
How did you sign into my social media accounts?
When you became a client of the DynaStar™ family of services you consented to some limited studies of your online profile, with the understanding that such information will only be used to help us care for you. Rest assured that DynaStar™ will not share your information–
Fine. No, I’m not close with my family.
Input is not required at this time. Rest assured that DynaStar™ will not share your information with any third parties, and that information gleaned from social media will be handled in accordance with all applicable state and federal laws. It does not appear that you ave close relationships with your family. Is this still the case?
I am not particularly close with my family, no.
Our records show that this is your seventh visit to the DynaStar™ LifeCare™ Pavilion in the past twelve months. DynaStar™ understands that life has its ups and downs. While DynaStar™ is always here for you, most of our LifeCare™ clients visit between two and four times per year. Furthermore your visits have been more frequent than normal over the past three years. Are you suffering from an undisclosed chronic condition that would explain your higher-than-average number of visits?
no. Look, I just sprained my wrist, it’s no big deal.
How often, per week, do you exercise, where “exercise” is defined as a specific physical activity, designed to strengthen the body, and lasting for at least thirty minutes per session?
Please rest assured that all answers to this wellness survey are confidential and you may be entirely honest. Would you like to amend any of your answers up to this point?
No. I really play racquetball or go running around four or five times a week. That’s how I sprained my wrist.
While we understand your desire for privacy, your LifeCare™ provider can only supply the kind of world-class care you have come to expect from DynaStar™ if your answers are entirely honest. Given your height, weight, current resting heart rate, and frequency of visits, your answer to the question about exercise seems unlikely. Would you like to provide a new answer?
2 times per week. Is that the answer you’re looking for?
Thank you. Your new answer has been accepted and the previous answer replaced. DynaStar™ is grateful for your increased trust in our services.
Expressed as percentage, what would you say your wellness quotient is at this moment?
Um, I guess…75%?
I see. Please help me understand. Your reason for visiting is a sports-related injury to your wrist. On average, our LifeCare clients rate such an injury as having a seven percent impact on their wellness quotient. Are you suffering from any other conditions that would explain the 18% discrepancy between your answer and others?
I…what? I don’t know. I guess I’m just a little sick and tired of this and —
I understand. Feelings of fatigue and general malaise can indeed have a major impact on your overall wellness. Thank you for your responses to this questionnaire. I am now reviewing your responses and formulating a wellness plan for you.
May I take that as permission to enact a wellness plan? Giving permission in advance will expedite your care and help us serve you without delay.
Yes, fine, you have my permission. Let’s enact this health care plan.
Thank you. Your response has been recorded. I am now reviewing your case with a LifeCare™ provider, so that they will be aware of your situation and able to provide top notch care.
Okay! I have formulated your care plan. We have taken your responses and information from other sources, and found that your wellness quotient is 3%
What? I said 75%
Input is not requested at this time. Your answers, your social profile, your propensity for lying on questionnaires, your frequent visits to health care providers have led to our AccuScore™ assessment of your overall wellness. Furthermore, your lack of connections suggests that other DynaStar™ clients would be better served by ending your care, as doing so will free up resources for dynamic and active health care participants.
Hey, why is this door locked? HEY!
Input is not requested at this time. We would like to thank you for your pre-approval for our healthcare plan. We are pleased to say that your insurance has also approved this plan. Given your wellness quotient, we have implemented the InfiniRest™ carbon dioxide life cessation therapy. While InfiniRest™ is a gentle end-of-life solution, for the safety of our other clients we have sealed the door of your care suite.
Look, it’s just a sprained wrist! Let me out! I’m fine! yawn
The InfiniRest™ process should be complete in just a few minutes. You should be feeling relaxed and at ease now. For your comfort in this time of transition, please stop trying to open the door of your care suite and lay back on the exam bed. Thank you for choosing the DynaStar™ family of services for your end-of-life care.